This week I was coming home on a flight from New York to San Francisco. I had dozed off as we were taxiing but I awoke to a very unpleasant surprise. The woman next to me had taken a photo of me while I was asleep and was in the process of texting it to someone. She was saying she was sandwiched between two dykes (for what it’s worth the person on the other side of her was a man).

There were two things very very wrong with this situation. 1) She violated my privacy by taking a photo of me while I was asleep (let’s be honest that’s super creepy) and 2) she used the phrase dyke in a derogatory way. I didn’t do anything to this woman, I hadn’t spoken a word to her. More importantly, how would her perceived interpretation of my sexual orientation impact her in flight experience?

This is most certainly not the first time I’ve been called a dyke (nor do I expect it to be the last time unfortunately). Nor do I find the term inherently offensive. What I do find offensive is someone appropriating it in a negative manner. Who cares what my sexual orientation is? Does it impact her sitting next to me?

This all felt very timely considering I’d just seen Eliza Hittman’s Beach Rats, in which the main character grapples with his sexuality and fears the label of “gay.” Though he’s fictional, I wish the main character of Beach Rats didn’t fear labels. I wish we lived in a world where we didn’t have to continue to make films about topics like this, a world where grappling with one’s sexuality wouldn’t be stigmatized or complicated by the fear of being called things like dyke or fag or any other term used in a hateful manner.

Films like Beach Rats, Moonlight, Brokeback Mountain, Boys Don’t Cry, My Own Private Idaho, and more serve an important purpose in distributing the journey and experiences of LGBTQ stories to those unfamiliar with it. Only through learning the stories of others can we begin to be more tolerant and understanding.

It would have been easy to glance over, see her text, and bottle up the reaction to it. However, that would have left me with a sour taste in my mouth for the remainder of the flight, and well after. Instead I chose to involve the airline and the authorities. I’m grateful for the passengers on the plane who expressed their support and for my support network here in the Bay Area and elsewhere who continue to personify the love and inclusion that we need to continue to fight for.

There is a lot of negativity in the world right now and there’s no room for people who perpetuate hate.This world is a negative place right now, and shouldn’t have room for people who perpetuate hate. No one deserves to be treated like that, and we need to stand up for ourselves and others.